The Queen of Denial: First Steps to Healing After Denial Part 3

Now That You See It, What’s Next?

Over the past two posts, you’ve already done something incredibly brave.

In Part 1, you learned to recognize denial—the subtle ways it keeps us stuck.
In Part 2, you explored why denial can feel safer than facing the truth.

And now you’re here.

Seeing the truth can feel overwhelming, disorienting, even painful. You may feel raw, uncertain, or even wish you could go back to the “comfort” of pretending everything was fine.

But this post isn’t about dramatic action.
It’s about reclaiming your choices—one small, honest step at a time.

Healing doesn’t start with a grand declaration. It starts with the quiet, private decision to honor what you now see.

Today, we’ll walk through the first steps to healing after denial, using the same compassion and realism that carried you here.

5 Steps To Overcoming Denial

Healing doesn’t happen all at once.

It’s built, one honest decision at a time.

Now that you’re starting to see the truth more clearly, it’s natural to feel unsure about what to do next.

The good news is: you don’t have to have it all figured out today.

These first steps to healing after denial aren’t about fixing everything overnight—they’re about grounding yourself in truth, reclaiming your choices, and starting to trust yourself again.

Let’s take it one step at a time.

Insert this youtube video https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMi0UysXEac

Alt Text: Video explanation on why survivors stay in denial after abuse and how healing begins.

Step 1: Accept Your Present Circumstances

Denying the situation will not make it cease to exist.

You don’t have to like the truth. You don’t have to feel ready to fix it. But facing it—without minimizing, excusing, or rewriting it—is the beginning of your freedom.

Acceptance isn’t giving up.
Acceptance isn’t weakness.
Acceptance is looking reality in the eye and saying, “I see you.”

It’s okay if it hurts. It’s okay if it shakes you. Truth often does.
But naming what is true right now—even if you don’t know what comes next—is one of the most powerful steps you can take.

What to do:

• Take out a journal or open a blank note on your phone.
• Write a few sentences that simply state the facts of your situation—without making excuses, minimizing, or blaming yourself.
• Example starter: “I was emotionally hurt by someone I trusted. It was real. It impacted me. It matters.”

Reminder:
Acceptance is naming reality—not liking it or approving it.

 

Step 2: Look Outside Yourself

If this situation was happening to a good friend or your own daughter, what would you say to them?

Often, we’re far kinder and clearer when we look at someone else’s pain than when we look at our own.

You might recognize how much you excuse, downplay, or blame yourself when it’s your own story.

But through another’s eyes, the truth stands taller:

• It wasn’t okay.
• You deserved better.
• You are not the cause of someone else’s harmful choices.

Building self-trust begins by learning to see your own experience with the compassion you would offer someone you love.

What to do:

• Imagine your situation was happening to someone you love (your daughter, sister, best friend).
• Write down what you would tell her.
• Then, reread that advice—but this time, apply it to yourself.

Example prompt:

“If my daughter went through this, I would tell her: ‘You deserve to be safe. This was not your fault.'”

 

Step 3: Focus on What You Can Control

Denial is often rooted in a deep feeling of powerlessness.

When we believe we have no good options, denial helps us survive the unbearable.

But even if it feels small, you still have choices.
You can choose to write your feelings in a journal.
You can choose to reach out to someone safe.
You can choose to set one small boundary.

You might not be able to change the past.
You might not be able to control how others act.
But you can control your next decision—and that matters more than you think.

You are not powerless.
You are not a victim of circumstance forever.

Each choice you make, however small, is part of reclaiming your future.

What to do:

• List three things you can control right now (even if they feel tiny).
• Examples:
  • I can write down what I’m feeling.
  • I can set a small boundary.
  • I can reach out to someone who supports me.
• Pick one to do today.

 

Step 4: Recognize and Process Your Emotions

Denial doesn’t just block truth—it blocks emotion.

It convinces you that feeling grief, anger, sadness, or fear is dangerous, or weak, or unproductive.

But emotions aren’t your enemy. They’re information.

Processing emotions doesn’t mean getting stuck in them. It means letting them flow through you instead of burying them inside you.

A simple emotional processing flow looks like this:

• Name the emotion: (e.g., anger, sadness, grief, fear)
• Observe your thoughts: (What are you telling yourself?)
• Sit with the emotion: (Without judgment. It’s just a feeling, not a fact.)
• Ask gently: (Is this emotion connected to truth—or to a distorted thought?)

You can even journal through this process in small, manageable steps.

The more you honor your emotions, the less power they have to derail or define you.

What to do:

• When a strong emotion comes up today, try this simple method:
  • Name it: “I’m feeling sadness.”
  • Notice your thoughts: “I’m thinking I’ll always feel this way.”
  • Sit with it: Set a timer for 3 minutes and just allow yourself to feel it without judgment.
• No need to fix it. Just notice.

 

Step 5: Begin Challenging Dysfunctional Thought Patterns

Old patterns don’t break themselves.

Common distortions like rationalizing (“he was just stressed”), catastrophizing (“I’m ruined forever”), or all-or-nothing thinking (“I’m either a total success or total failure”) sneak in when we’re scared.

Healing asks you to gently challenge these thoughts:

“Is this thought 100% true?”
“Or is it trying to protect me from pain?”

Starting to question your automatic thoughts is like clearing a tangled path. It takes time. It’s messy at first. But each thought you untangle makes the next step clearer.

In a future series, we’ll dive deeper into rewiring your brain—because lasting healing isn’t just emotional. It’s also neurological.

But for now, noticing your thoughts is more than enough.

What to do:

• When you catch yourself thinking something harsh (“I’m broken,” “I’ll never heal”), pause.
• Ask yourself: “Is this 100% true, or is it fear talking?”
• Replace it with a more balanced truth.
  Example:
  From: “I’ll never heal” → To: “Healing is hard, but I am already taking steps.”

Reminder:
Every time you challenge an old thought, you’re starting to rewire your brain for healing.

 

What Freedom from Denial Feels Like

I used these tools to diligently assess my situation.
I know now that once I reveal what’s hiding in the dark, I can deal with it—and move forward.

Freedom from denial doesn’t mean becoming fearless.
It means becoming more honest.
More clear.
More you.

Healing from denial is an ongoing journey. Some days it feels like progress. Some days it feels like you’re starting all over.

But every time you choose truth over pretending…
Every time you trust your emotions instead of stuffing them…
Every time you see yourself with compassion instead of blame…

You are winning back pieces of your life.

Taking the first steps to healing after denial is one of the bravest decisions you’ll ever make.

And you don’t have to walk it alone.

 

Ready to take the next step in your healing journey?

Book a free discovery call to explore joining a support group designed for women breaking free from old patterns and reclaiming their identity.

Reflection Prompt:

“What truth have you been avoiding because it feels too heavy to face? What might shift if you saw that truth as a beginning instead of an ending?”

Still reflecting quietly for now?
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